


rewards for good behavior

by fiveyaaas



Series: under mistletoe [23]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Christmas Party, Christmas Smut, Cunnilingus, Established Relationship, Exhibitionism, F/M, Heavy Petting, Married Couple, Married Life, Oral Sex, Public Blow Jobs, Public Hand Jobs, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Humor, Skirts, Spanking, Switching, Vaginal Fingering, and NO e fics, that i started writing fic-mas intending to have at MOST five m rated fics, these are such iconic tags for christmas themed fluff, whoops., you guys must understand
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:21:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28404669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: “ “Of all of the things in the world, this is the worst thing humanity has ever come up with.”Vanya rolled her eyes. Her husband said that about most things.“Vanya, I refuse to wear this. I refuse.”“Allison made me promise that you would, so… sucks to suck.”He inhaled sharply. “This is an insult. I am-”“Going to wear that sweater.”“No, I’m not.””
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: under mistletoe [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036878
Kudos: 26
Collections: Harcest Ficmas 2020





	rewards for good behavior

**Author's Note:**

  * For [light_loves_the_dark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/light_loves_the_dark/gifts).



“Of all of the things in the world, this is the worst thing humanity has ever come up with.”

Vanya rolled her eyes. Her husband said that about most things. 

“Vanya, I  _ refuse  _ to wear this. I  _ refuse.” _

“Allison made me promise that you would, so… sucks to suck.”

He inhaled sharply. “This is an insult. I am-”

“Going to wear that sweater.”

“No, I’m not.” Five was actually pouting, like he was a child. Vanya was tempted to tell him that, but telling someone in their sixties that they were acting childlike never went over well for anybody. “Allison is  _ not  _ going to force me to go to some abhorrent  _ ugly Christmas sweater soiree.” _

“You could just say party,” Vanya pointed out, brushing her hair into a ponytail. “Saying soiree doesn’t make you sound any more sophisticated.”

“I’m not wearing that damn sweater, Vanya.”

She glanced up at him, smirking. “I’ll make you a deal.”

“I don’t accept it.”

“Don’t you want to hear what the deal is?” Vanya purred. She watched him gulp, trying to decide between his own humiliation and what was clearly a sex thing (though, really, he should be looking at his own humiliation as a sex thing). Eventually, his horniness won over, and he nodded begrudgingly. “If you wear the sweater for the three hours required…” He groaned. “I’ll wear whatever you want later.”

“You can’t use sex as a bargaining chip when we  _ regularly _ have it.”

“We won’t be if you don’t go to this party.”

He sighed before his eyes brightened. “Wait, I have a counteroffer.”

“Already afraid. What is it?”

“If you wear your sweater  _ with  _ one of your old Academy skirts, I will wear this atrocious, odious, abhorrent-”

“Deal.”

She nearly giggled at the way he was clearly salivating. 

“Will you wear the socks too?” Five asked eagerly. 

“Yes, but I hope you know that Diego will complain that my outfit doesn’t match when we take pictures.”

“It is a necessary sacrifice if he ever expects me to wear a sweater that says, Jesus fucking  _ Christ,  _ ‘Meowy Christmas.’ Who comes up with these things?”

“It’s cute,” Vanya defended, having picked out the sweater herself. “It has a little cat on it.”

“I can see that,” he grumbled, glaring at the cat like it was his fault he had to publicly embarrass himself. “I hope you know that I’m doing this because I love you.”

“You’re doing this because you have easier access when you finger me under the table.”

“That too. A man can have multiple motivations. Would you like to hear the others?”

“I’ve got the general idea.”

“I was going to get into the whole part about it being an Academy skirt, though!”

Vanya snorted. She tugged off the sensible pants she’d been wearing, walking to her lingerie drawer where said skirt was contained. The last time she’d worn it, they’d been on Reginald’s bed, acting out a roleplay scenario that would make Freud feel justified in all the awful shit he’d done and said. 

Five walked into their bedroom, hair sticking up in all directions from shoving the sweater over himself hastily. Vanya didn’t ask him to fix it. Despite the fact that he was physically in his thirties and mentally in his sixties, she couldn’t help but smile at the fact that the way he looked reminded her of the grumpy little boy who had been her best friend when she was young. Every time he scowled these days, she always struggled to hide her smile.

“If you don’t wear panties with that, I won’t try to instigate a fight between Diego and Luther this year.”

“How do I know you’d keep that promise?”

“I would sacrifice most things if it meant you weren’t wearing underwear.”

Vanya rolled her eyes. “If you agree to not instigate a fight between Diego and Luther  _ and  _ agree to actually be nice to everyone when they try to talk to you, then yes.”

Five’s eyes widened, “You’d actually do that?”

“Agree right now. And if you go back on that agreement, be aware that I know  _ exactly  _ how to make you suffer.”

“I agree to your terms.” She made eye contact with him when she slipped off her panties, setting them onto the dresser. 

“And you won’t go back on that?”

“No, ma’am.”

She grinned. He offered her his arm, betraying his age with the gentlemanly gesture. When they landed at the mansion, she stayed beside him, clutching his torso and trying to stave off the dizziness that came from his side jumps. It was an incredibly convenient power, but she had never gotten used to it, usually allowing him to jump with her when they were running late for something, which they clearly were, based off the way Allison was scowling at them. 

“It’s good to see you both  _ finally  _ showed up.”

“Vanya isn’t matching,” Diego pointed out. Five opened his mouth, likely to yell at him, but Vanya shot him a look. 

“It’s good to see you guys,” Five said, sounding pleasant to a near disturbing degree. She wasn’t sure where he had gained the ability to act polite, wondering if he had always had this ability or if he really just wanted her to not wear panties that bad. “How have you all been-”

“What’s wrong with Five?” Ben asked, materializing behind them, causing Vanya to yelp. “He seems strange.”

“I don’t-” He sighed. “Why do all of you think I’m angry all the time, anyways?”

“Because you are,” Ben told him dismissively. “Also, Vanya, I need to discuss that book with you. The one you loaned me.”

“The one he made me hold up for him for  _ hours,” _ Klaus chimed in. 

Ben rolled his eyes, ignoring his boyfriend’s comment, “You said there was a sequel, right?”

“A prequel, actually,” Vanya told him, disentangling from Five and walking with Ben to the bar, listening to him chatter about his theories about the book. She could hear Five talking to Allison and Luther in the background, smiling when he made a point to let them speak without interrupting them at all. 

As Ben explained his reaction to a certain scene, Five blinked over to them, and she flicked her eyes over to Allison and Luther, imagining them being upset with him for using his powers to get away from them before realizing that they were kissing underneath a mistletoe. 

“They might be worse than you two,” Ben commented. He wasn’t corporeal enough that he could lean back against the counter, and he seemed to realize that with a small frown as he phased through it. 

“I don’t know about  _ that.”  _ Five slung an arm around Vanya’s shoulders easily. “Although that  _ is  _ motivation for us to be worse.”

“I would assume that was supposed to be my cue to leave, but Klaus and Diego have just recently decided they were going to bring back the word ‘hella’ and you two are the better alternative at this exact moment.”

Vanya laughed, setting her hand against Five’s waist as subtly as possible and forcing down a smile as his eyes darkened. “You know, Ben, there’s actually  _ another  _ series by that author.”

Ben perked up. “Same universe?” 

“I  _ think  _ they’re supposed to be different,” Vanya explained, sliding her hand down to squeeze Five’s ass.  _ “But  _ the author actually hasn’t confirmed whether or not it’s the case.”

“I need to go ask Klaus to make me corporeal so I can grab my notebook, one sec!” Ben likely had a couple pages worth of analyses and observations of the book, something that Vanya was always willing to hear. Ever since they’d had the opportunity to speak again, they’d had an informal book club together, meeting up once a week to share their thoughts on a lot of the books he’d missed since passing. 

Interrupting her thoughts, Five insisted, “You’re  _ not  _ going to get me to break, V.”

She poured herself a drink, smiling to herself, “You know what will happen if you do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!💕


End file.
